guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize