He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
