10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
