All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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