Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
