I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
