A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
