hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's blow job season.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize