I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My breasts were aching with rage.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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