The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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