How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
