Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
