i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
