You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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