that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
