i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I look better un-naked...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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