totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
