You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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