I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Your dad touched me again.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize