so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
