In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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