my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
