What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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