what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
