grandma shit on top of the toilet
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
