He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
