I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
