Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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