I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
