Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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