there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
