she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
