Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
