Define "chronic" masturbator.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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