I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
