What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
