Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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