life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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