SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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