i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
