That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize