And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
