so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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