First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
