It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
