Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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