VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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