it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
