I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
