The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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