When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
