I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
