what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
