Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
