Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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