if you like me you must not know who I am
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
