Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I deserve this hangover.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
