Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
