Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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