i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
