I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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