be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We have so much sex to catch up on
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
