I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Randomize
