One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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