wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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