Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
