If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
