My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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