i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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