420 ftw
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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