this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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